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So, as a warning to people I will share a little fact that didn’t make it into the 101 things list. When I’m sick, like really sick, I get petulant and by that I mean really petulant. But because I know this and am aware of how annoying it is to people, I try and avoid people when I’m in this state.

So, Friday I left work early due to the sickness. And because I wanted to be taken care of in my time of “need” I drove the 2 hours home to Mom and Dad’s, or as we’re calling it these days, the Sick Ward. This could be due to the fact that the sick people include, me, little brother, mom and 2 cousins. We are just a happy-nose blowing mess. So I get home and proceed to lie of the couch and not move off of it till 11:30 when I climbed into my bed. The perk of the sick house…I think we watched Enchanted three times, and the best bit of that is my young cousin, who is 3, loves the “kissy part.” It’s absolutely hysterical. Cause her older sister (6) is all like “ewww, they are kissing” and I wanted to be like, one day you won’t say that. But my wee one, she loves it and asks for it to be repeated normally with the line “did I miss the kissy part…can you rewind it.”

Other funny thing she’s done this weekend and my personal favorite. She’s been listen to a copy of Psalty the Singing Songbook (a very non-denominational Christian thing that really can’t be explained) that I made for her and her sister. And she is a performer, so she belts out the songs with the greatest of ease, and my personal favorite that she sings, “It’s me, it’s me, it’s me oh Lord, standing in the living room.” I mean maybe the wrong line…but absolutely fabulous!

So, maybe I’m a little conservative…maybe a little more than a little, but in the post-college era, not as conservative as I was in high school (which wasn’t so much conservative as blindly following). What brought this on…I’m leaving my job and going to work for a grassroots political movement that is known to lean more left then I am (which isn’t all that hard).

Conflicted is how I really describe this feeling, cause I’m so looking forward to the excitement that the new job will bring, but it’s hard leaving the people (and let’s be honest, my conservative friends think I’m nuts). And a little part of me freaks out that the new employer is going to wake up one day and be like, “whoa…did we just hire the conservative girl.”

Really, I think what this comes down to is I’m sick and feeling petulant (which is so sad). Thus, no baking for me right now :)

Disney Channel posed the following question (which I thought should be shared):

“How do you lose a woman?”
“You forget to cherish her”

So, my co-workers love my baking…and my family rejected it. Really I have nothing to say about how much that latter point almost sent me over the edge. But in the trend of blogging about baking (and being told by B that I need pictures and recipes to keep her happy), here are the margarita cookies of joy (unless my family is around…then it’s pain and rejection).

(recipe to follow in the jump)

Read the rest of this entry »

So Easter is here and gone and we are doing this post in list form. So with out further ado, things I’ve done, thought, etc over the weekend:

1. The 2 hour drive home can take less time if you are doing 75 on a road that is 60 (not like that is what i did)
2. Coming home to an empty house = Disney Channel and College basketball watching
3. I traumatized my cousin by taking a nap with her and not being there when she woke up.
4. Appetizers always do me in
5. After the above, dinner just isn’t necessary
6. My six year old cousin slept in my bed last night, sideways…foot in my face and at one point her knee in my back
7. My mother is out to keep me chubby, everyone else got a little candy and clothes of some sort in their Easter basket…me, a giant bag of lindt truffles, this is what happens when I still demand a basket.
8. Basketball is dead to me.
9. A few people asked if I’m dating someone yet, I do my best not to laugh at them and say…no I just throw cake
10. My parents found the best barbecue place, ever.

So maybe it’s been one of those weeks that required me to check and see what the last post was, before I double-posted. A week of mass office stress, fun times and a scary job interview (not cause the people were scary, but because interviewing scares me). But finally my life is slowing down enough to reflect upon Holy Week.

This is the first year that I could safely say Easter is way too soon. Cause I was not prepared for it. Normally the time between Palm Sunday and Easter is at least semi-contemplative (in between classes and papers)…but this week in the “working world,” well let’s just say I kept forgetting what day it was. But now it’s Friday and I get to go home to my family…plus my babies are in town.

My babies…the highlight of this post. Six and three…and as cute as can be (yes, I went there with the rhyming). My six-year old cousin is in love with cooking and really…mostly Giada de Laurentiis. I mean, the woman may kind of drive me nuts, but my cousin personally asked her if she could be her assistant. (Not that I wouldn’t take that gig in the heartbeat). But she wants to show off her “I’m Six” culinary skills, and because the cookbook was to big to haul across the county, my aunt’s assistant had to fax my family the pertinent pages. All in all, this is going to be in interesting weekend…especially since I have to share my wonderful comfortable bed with her.

Now, the real highlight…ummm…Basketball! I mean who doesn’t love NCAA basketball. As it was said last year, if you don’t like it you might hate Christmas morning as well. (Well aren’t I letting my team bias out with that easily google-friendly statement). But I currently have 2 losses on my bracket, but I’m still tied for first. And let’s be honest, my competitive streak is shooting through the roof. Channeling all of my aggressive energy onto basketball. Fun times…and my big game is on today, the goal, make it home in time to watch the second half. That may require some above the speed limit driving.    

Today was round 2 of my most recent job interview. I go through phases of really wanting the job, and then moments of not wanting the job. Conflicted like whoa! But they are calling reference so I’m sure that I’ll be hearing back by next week. (I hope).

Now, on to the funnies. Monday included a fun dinner party, YAY dinner parties! But today the blog, Stuff White People Like, had a post on dinner parties. Because you know, in addition to Kitchen Aid mixers…supposedly the people of the lighter skin variety like dinner parties. I myself love both…a lot. We won’t say what that says about my multi-cultural nature.

More later, off to dinner :)

But I couldn’t ignore this one. So, what always lifts my spirits is a good laugh, this is why the HD and I worked well together. Cause I would sob, claim I was okay, he would doubt, I would laugh. It worked out well.

Church was amazing today, but one of the funniest things (aside from the amazing sermon) was the joke that came after. Talking to a few people and one of the girls exclaims that I was “glowing” and that she had noticed from afar during church. This started several girls agreeing and then the best point ever “You are glowing, are you in love??” I almost died from the laughter that built up in my head. My response, “maybe I am and I just didn’t know…my skin found out before me!” Though I have to say, girls glow when in love and when pregnant, I’m definitely not that latter…and I sure as heck better not be the former (cause let’s be honest, the hidden crush of the moment is widely inappropriate and well…never can happen). But needless to say…I’m glowing :)

So I admit that last post was like a massive glimpse (that no one wants) into my emotional meltdowns. A frequent and normally unblogged occurrence. Needless to say, the fall of the cliff was fast and brutal this time, and now it’s time to begin the climb back up.

But all in all life is always better in the morning when the sun is shining and flip flops are to be had on my feet. So I feel the need to counter post of depression and panic, with the post of normalcy and hope. This week I have a second round job interview, it’s for a grassroots political movement, and at times I want them to take me and other times I’m realizing that I am pretty comfortable where I am. I mean, what do i have to complain about…this week I get to go to a dinner party, I’ll hang out with the wonderful Agent M at work, Work Boy will be speaking to me (though we can’t promise a full week of that), and then at the end of it…I get to go home to my family! The best party of that latter statement is that my babies are going to be there visiting when I get home (saddest party, I don’t get to spend all week with them).

Now where does my mind go…baking. I kind of want to make margarita cookies. Lacking the lime though, maybe it’s time for a trip to the store. That sounds like a yummy lift to my day, or…PB&J muffins. Those might be the winner.

In a vague way, here goes the post to explain my mental state of the past few months…the one that I am good at covering up in public, but can’t avoid typing about when I sit to blog. So I feel like for a month I’ve been churning out poor melodramatic writing, the same kind of writing that when I reread it makes me think…and I expect people to hire me with this poor sentence formation.

Me in high school was so much more free, or at least that is how I like to recall the good moments. It was Southern California, it was warm and I wore flip flops and flouncy skirts year round. Drama was high in life and there, like here, boys still didn’t like me…but at least the flouncy skirts made up for it. This is where I digress to pathetic, why is it always about boys?? Why can’t I be happy and confident and snappy and single and, who knows what else. Whenever I rant or complain about this issue there is a pretty standard response given,’you’re 22, you have plenty of time, you don’t need a relationship now.’ All of those things I agree with, but what I want to know is one day it actually will happen…and people reassure on that one too. However, I’ve stopped believing it, not cause I don’t trust them but because deep down inside I think I will sabbotage my own future. I was talking to a friend a month or so ago about the standards we set for the perfect person we want to meet, and in listening I laughed and then mocked, telling him how did he know he hadn’t missed the boat because he’s too picky. It was snarky, it was an uncalled for comment…but it was me channeling into my biggest fear. What if the time I spent hiding from guys, the guys I’ve written off cause someone “claimed” them first, the guys that are fabulous but have a history, the ones that I am scared with reject me…what if in all of that I missed the boat.

When I joke about not having standards lately I realize that there is more truth in that then I want to admit to.  But not in the, I’ll take anyone way (although I may be that desperate). In all of this, all I can think is that maybe it’s my standard of life that is changing. Things I would consider doing now I never even thought of a few years ago, but all the major hopes and dreams for the future evolve. So many people blog about their time on the dating circuit, trying to reach a new level of completion to their lives. Maybe I’m not meant to meant to share my life so intimately with a person, now…in 5 years…in 10 years…ever. (Many people will come back with an “it’s not a bad thing to live a single life).

But to end this rant properly all I can say is, i wish one day someone would be so honest to just say…”No, it’s not all warm and fuzzy, and it does suck…you can still be wonderful and do wonderful things and help change the world, but you’re still going to wonder what it would be like to be so connected to another human being…but you survive, and you thrive.” Maybe I’m supposed to be that person

That time is here…and live-blogging basketball is something I wish I could do. But I tend to stop looking at the screen when the score gets tight…and lets be honest, the score is going to be tight for the next 2 hours.

Although….my team, as said yesterday, going ALL.THE.WAY.

I may have some false confidence, just let me run with it.

Today’s blog title…totally wish I could claim it for my own, but sadly it is in the ownership of my lovely co-worker, Agent M (who needs to be convinced to go on an ice cream run, like now).

The work week is almost done…we’re talking it’ll be done in an hour and a half, YAY! But let’s be honest, this weekend isn’t going to allow lots of sleep. Basketball games to watch, bridal showers (okay, maybe of one) to attend, hikes to go on, church boys (yes, plural) to flirt with, and really somewhere in there…about 20 hours of sleep would be great.

S is back from campaigning, which is lovely. So the horde gathered for dinner last night, and that was fun times all round. Thus, the all college people hang outs, all the time will probably recommence. Hence, need to make an effort to hang out with non-alums all the time (Not that I don’t love you all…). But now is not the time to follow through with that, cause March Madness is upon us, and we are going all.the.way.

A little before sleep humor:

Girl walking on the street: “It’s just so sad, he’s so good looking and doesn’t even know”
Guy: **laughter** “I know”

All I have to say is…I’ve never met an attractive guy who doesn’t know the quality of his looks. It just doesn’t happen, I want proof on this one.

Middle of the week happy dance. (More cause I’m exhausted then the job being out to get me this week).

So to this point, from Monday’s post…the only new things: I baked oatmeal cookies (with either butterscotch chips or white chocolate and cranberries) and I’m going hiking on Sunday. **Let’s stop, pause, laugh, gasp because the laughter is overcoming us, and then pull ourselves together again.** Needless to say, that was what I did. Actually I take that back, I called my mom and in a I-didn’t-take-a-breath rant blurted out “I was invited to go hiking by church people and this is my first outside of church invite but I don’t hike but if I say no they’ll think I’m absurd and will never invite me to do anything every again” (gasp for air there). She laughed and said it was karma…God’s answer to her prayers that I would work out. I feel a certain level of cosmic injustice. But alas, I’m join hiking…no.words.at.all.

Maybe this is why I baked the cookies, to drown out my hiking shock and to give me time to figure out how to wear my knee brace under my jeans without it showing…(cause give me a break, I may be hiking, but I haven’t fully given up the needing to look adorable as I do it)

So, I really can’t wait long enough to make this into a legit post; thus, here we go (prepare for bad grammar and lots of laughs).

Today I get to work, it’s as slow as always but I’m able to mock my boss that he had floor seats at the Basketball game and I was at…and was all over the news. But beyond that, not much was planned for my day. But then the laughter began, and it was all directed at me.

As we can recall, I’ve been mocked most thoroughly about my “steady stream of young men” at work whenever I bake. I still (even in this story) will say that it’s all about the baking, without it boys wouldn’t talk to me. But so Church Boy messages me at work (have I mentioned that Church Boy also works 5 floors down). **momentary explanation: He’s been on travel for a week…haven’t chatted with him in probably 2 an a half weeks, long enough to tell myself that I’m moving on** Back to the story. So I get this message asking if I’m busy, I say no. He responds with, I’m coming up. I was a little shocked and all that ran through my mind was “ummm, I didn’t bake today.” But he waltzes on in, with presents…from Japan…little tchotchkes, mind you, but for me (and my chief of staff). I near bout died.

And hear the mocking begins. He proceeds to stand and chat for a solid 25 minutes. And while that is all fine and dandy…my actual boss starts sending me emails from her office. Let’s just say the subject line was “l.i.a.r.” and the content included such gems as “you claim handsome young men only visit you for baked goods, I see no baked goods on your desk.” Problem with this email…I see it while he’s still standing there, and holding in the laughter was quite a challenge. In the end, he left and I sent my boss back a one-liner that read “we talked about baked goods…it’s the same thing.”

In the end though, as I left the office for the day and asked if there was anything she needed before I left…her only response was that she wanted an admission that she was right.

I wasn’t willing to give that.

The week begins again, and all I can really think of right now is how glad I am it starts with Sunday evening church. Finding my happy Anglican church has made a world of difference and while I still may lack people to sit with (slash a mockable problem in which people don’t sit with me generally) it’s just refocuses my mind. Although I will say that the raised question of why there is always a circle of empty space made me wonder if I really do give off the “stay away from me” vibe…oops.

A week in review (since Tuesday): my co-worker is speaking to me again; which, while nice for the office tension sake, is just another thing that keeps me on the partial job hunt. But moving on…the rest of the week was good. I went out the the hardcore young Republicans on Friday which is always a glimpse into another part of me (a part of me that even confuses myself). But it was something that made me chuckle, cause in one week I have managed to feel to conservative (the interview) and to progressive (the dinner). All in all, it was a hysterical experience that made me a little bit more okay with the fact that I can’t be fit into a box (ooo, good line. that may go on “the list”). Between “the list” and church, my brain is obviously doing far too much thinking.

Overall though, lately I’m just a pretty emotionally and mentally conflicted person (as if we all didn’t realize that already). Maybe I should blame this on the fact that I’ve been watching the Disney channel and not on the fact that there is some odd internal tug of war in my mind.

(The List: It’s done…now let’s see if it ever gets posted)

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I interviewed for a new job today (mind you no one at my current job knows this). And it just made a fantastic end to the day. Not merely because it’s a chance for a job shift (5 months into my current employment), but because it showed me that there is something out there…and whether I make a job jump now, or later…there are fantastic things out there.

But, in addition, I have a car! While this isn’t quite as thrilling to people who have had something to drive since getting their license, some of us shared a car with dear old dad, and then didn’t drive anything in college. And I live in a city with good public transportation…but I was tired of missing the bus, the bus being late, the bus driving past me, the metro running slow due to track work. And thus, a car has come to live with me. Excitement!

Things are looking up…mind you that could just be cause I’m exhausted and thus don’t know any better cause my mind is addled. Or in could be cause I want to make coffee cake…but more on that later

I swear my iTunes playlist is just a little peek into my quirky nature, and the scary point…I’ve apparently listened to the same 14 songs for the last two weeks. (This is due to the fact that my “Recently Played” list covers the most recent 25 songs over the last 2 week…my list has magically shrunk to 14, I’m sensing a song fixation).

Almost Lover — A Fine Frenzy
I Won’t Disagree — Kate Voegele
Lead Me to the Cross — Hillsong United
Broken — Lifehouse
How Far We’ve Come — Matchbox Twenty
Kindly Unspoken — Kate Voegele
For You from Me — Jon McLaughlin
Forgive Me — Group 1 Crew
Beautiful Disaster — Jon McLaughlin
City — Sara Bareilles
Anthem for American Teenagers — Jon McLaughlin
All-American Girl –  Carrie Underwood
Where I Stood — Missy Higgins
The Way I Are — Timberland

Welcome to my musical world