You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May, 2008.
Whoa did the rain come pouring down today…while I was at the office. Yes, I was at work on a Saturday. It was really just MM and I rearranging desks for the arrival of the interns on Monday. So we were heading out and walked past the copy room on the first floor, and whoa was there water. Seeping in under the baseboards and inching toward the server, copier, refrigerator and the brand-new letterhead we just received. Next thing you know we were dragging boxes out of the way, stuffing old t-shirts into crevices, and mopping (and cupping) up water that looked like a small pond indoors. It was intense.
Yesterday was a pretty great day (minus the fact that I still haven’t joined the gym…although maybe that is why it’s still happy). We started it off with strawberry shortcake, and it came with homemade biscuit/scones, fresh summer berries and morning-made whipped cream; and it was ended with 2 martinis and dinner with Agent M. [Pictures below].
Every wonder what the easiest dessert that looks like you spent days in the kitchen…Strawberry Shortcake [recipe after the jump]. Try is sometime, it’s is fantastic…and it takes your mind off of boys :)
In high school that were a few things that catagorized me:
1. I wore clothes from J.Crew (most kids in Los Angeles, though that was odd)
2. Wanted to leave LA
3. I was “a feminist…but very nice”
and lastly,
4. I was blunt beyond all belief.
That last one, was the real stand out…and somehow influenced/related to all of the other ones. If there was a question someone had, or a piece of advice needed, there were cartain people to go to. I was not the one you went to if you wanted a pat of the back and a statement of agreement. I was the one you want to if you wanted a smack over the head and a kick in the pants (or skirt, I don’t discriminate). But, when I got to college, I shifted from a super outgoing ENTJ to a super feeling ESFJ(P) [that latter one was a toss up], and some how, the original bluntness and non-sugar coating person disolved a little. And then something happened and she started to emerge again. And now it’s bluntness coupled with being a feeler, cause that isn’t the weirdest pairing ever.
But why go on about it…more it’s a warning and really it comes out when I’m under stress. So be prepared, I will hold hands, give hugs, console in times of need and continue to smack in times of stupidity.
And tomorrow I’ll blog about the Strawberry Shortcakse I made for my Managing Director’s last day.
So everything in life really is about first steps…which ultimately means you stop being scared of walking and just move.
When we are cute little wee ones, crawling seems so easy and wonderful. And most of all, it’s safe, because only crazy people walk on two legs. But then one day we stand, and the next day while holding someone’s fingers we step, and then in a final stroke of daring movement we take a step. [And then we bolt into an all out run and fall down]. Hopefully we are all past that latter problem, however, it’s kind of what life is like. And we are going to tie this into work and boys.
When I quit my job it was the hardest thing I have done in a long while, but I knew I was unhappy… So a month prior I stopped the safety crawling and moved into the hold fingers taking little steps world of job interviews. When it was offered, that was when I took the step on my own. It was great. [Also, a great big blog congrats to A, who took a huge step today...I'm super proud]
Now boys, that is a little more difficult to tie to my thoughts of the moment. But it’s not so much a message of “be daring, take a step, find a man” (gah no), it’s my ever present attempt to “leave the comfort zone, take a step, and walk through life with your head up.” I’ve done it all, I’ve sworn off boys, I’ve hated all things male, I’ve adored one of my oldest friends, I’ve been emotional bruised, and I’ve liked someone I could never have…Done.It.All. But in this, how often do I just say, I’m just taking one step after another…walking through life…seeing what comes at me. This is the new swearing off boys idea; this time it’s not swearing off, it’s all about being fully okay with them. If they make a move, I am movable. But if they don’t, I’m going to keep living my life, going to work, baking a lot, and blogging when I should be working. :)
I maybe want to be in an episode of Jon and Kate + 8.
Really, I want to be them…minus the six kids at one time. And like I told someone, if some nice man comes along I’d be willing to marry him and start popping out little bundles of joy. On that creepy statement, I think the reason I really thought this tonight was cause they spent a whole episode talking about peanut butter, natural marshmallow fluff, and going to church. (All things I love) :)
**Also, thanks to the commenters today (yes, the car thing is bad…and for the other commenter: swearing off guys…it’s more of a mental thing then an actual, i.e. I generally only make it work for 3 days at a time, but it’s getting better…kind of)
This weekend went a little differently then planned, what a shock.
The original plan included shopping all day Saturday with mom, farmer’s market on Sunday with the English One, Church, and then driving home for a BBQ on Monday. How that changed you may wonder; well the shopping happened [let's say I took my governmental orders seriously and went to stimulate the economy], and then I ended up at home on Saturday cause my car was having a moment.
For those who don’t know (cause who in their right would), VW cars have pollen filters that like to get clogged and then when it rains, the water ends up in your car instead of outside. Even better, it ends up inside on the passenger side of the car (where all the electrical wires are located). So Saturday night and Sunday included many moment of Dad and I under the hood of my car, which really is more like Dad under the hood of my car and me peering in cautiously. We replaced the pollen filter, removed the battery and cleaned out a drain, cut a hole in the carpet to suck up water, and my favorite moment…drilled holes in the bottom of my car for the water to drain. The $800 mechanic job cost me the price of the pollen filter ($18) and that is it…why, because my dad is the handiest man ever, and cause he drilled two holes in my car. [It also took three explanations for me to realize what he was doing, but it sounds like I know what I'm talking about].
On another note of things I really don’t get, but blog about a lot, boys. On the drive home (because my dad had driving my car home in case it freaked out) my mom starts telling me about how one of the guys we know is going to be proposing to his gf. Now that this wonderful, he adores her…so I made all the necessary “awwww, that is so cute” noises, and that is when she kills it. Because she utters the line “I need to tell the boys to let you have out and meet their friends.” I mean, for serious. I’m the only one who can make comments like that until at least age..28 or so, then my mother can worry. Really when it comes down to it I think, that she thinks, that I either am not trying hard enough or have a vendetta against men. The former is kind of true and the latter…well that ended in college. But how do I be like, Mom…it’s not me, it’s them. Especially when I really have no idea…what I’m talking about :)
Thank God it’s Friday. Pretty much a long and exhausting week, I’ve looked exhausted every time I’ve coming into work at…around 9 a.m. One person in particular liked to repeatedly utter the line “what were you doing last night?” Followed by a long hmmmmm. Sadly there was no real answer, cause I’m not doing anything that should make me tired, except you know, not sleeping enough because well there is TV to watch, books to read, and People Magazine Crossword puzzles to do.
But funny story, I have a small love affair with squishy stress relieving toys. Like the little stress balls, and pretty much anything you can fidget with when writing a paper and sitting at my desk. So needless to say, I’ve accumulated a few of them, but their is a rule to them. They have to be oddly shaped, and very free. In the past few years, we’ve had a squishy apple, squishy peanut, squishy bison, squishy purple chair and a squishy bulldog. I think it’s the most fantastic thing ever. This week someone picked up the squishy bison and called it a buffalo. Simultaneously, MM and I were like, “it’s a bison.” And the MM went a step further and utter the line “don’t confuse your large roaming animals.” I near ’bout fell out of my chair in shock and laughter.
But the long weekend if here. I’m kicking it off with a birthday party tonight, a trip to the outlets with mom tomorrow, possibly spending the rest of the weekend at home…and maybe coming up with a more exciting blog post. Suggestions? (Maybe I need to bake something)
Or a sign that I need to a. leave the political sphere, b. find an outlet for my absurdity or c. find a boy. Seeing how I see none of those happening, I’ll just explain.
In a conversation over gChat with S, I maybe said that I would jump CNN anchor John King. I mean the interactive maps during election night coverage…it’s enough to just make a girl all flustered. However, in the long run it is a toss up between him and Anderson Cooper (the latter led to a moment where a majority of the girls in my office made swooning noises and my ED felt the need to remind us he doesn’t like girls, shucks). Sadly S felt the need to kill my John King joy by telling me he has finally tied the knot with other CNN anchor Dana Bash…
Well….I guess I’ll just keep looking :)
So I have this bet going…and it involves weight loss and my head so not in the bet. Cause I am competitive over everything, except my weight, that just makes me cry. But I’m trying to get my head in the game. However, to prove what I failure I am at this, let me share my weekend in food review. (This is what happens when you swear off of boys, inappropriate and appropriate alike.
Loukoumades and White Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies…both were fabulous, I know cause I ate them both.
Now for those who don’t know (cause how could you), I have some deep Greek roots. And it comes out not in the form of being able to speak Greek (much to general family sadness), nope it comes out in the fact that I am fairly loud and that I love to eat. And while I can go on and on about gyros and lamb, loukoumades hold a major spot in my heart. Come on, it’s fried dough covered in honey and cinnamon, what is there not to like. And A and I were at the greek festival and after the gyro, spanakopita, tiropita and dolmades…what else could I want (and for the record, I only ate one of those things…the rest I dreamed about). The loukoumades were fresh, straight out of the fryer, and coated with a thin honey glaze. Divine…a faux recipe to follow
As for the Oatmeal Cookies, those were me looking for something to bake that involved only one egg (cause I was too lazy to go to the grocery store. And what a shock, Deb at smittenkitchen.com came through with crispy salted white chocolate oatmeal cookies. I added a handful of cranberries so I could tell myself the cranberries and oats made it a granola bar, never has a lie to myself been so tasty :)
And so I give you both recipes…the cookies were phenom, and the loukoumades (well I used this recipe over a year ago and it was pretty great too, even when I accidentally stuck my finger in the pot of oil, oops).
I am sitting at my desk, I have a letter to write, a proposal to draft by Thursday at 2, product follow up and a blog post to write for my job (yes…my job pays me to write posts for the organization blog). Pretty much I can’t think and I need to have a clear head to do all of these things, cause I did all the mindless tasks this morning when I was still half asleep.
But in all this I’m also listening to the same song on repeat, “In My Arms” by Plumb…the calming force of a God moment birthed from a song, the chorus going:
Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms
All will be … done eventually :)
So I was reading along and stumbled across the following passage:
“I think it is the curse of being female that makes us attempt to name every feeling, identify every stage of a relationship, and study what the next natural course of action should be at all times. I cannot help but wonder if such obsessive analysis is standing as a barricade between our lovers and our enjoyment of just being with them. How much more enjoyment could we feel if we omit the stress we self-inflict over what he is thinking and where things are going? Then again, is it truly possible for us to silence those little voices in our heads, the ones who want desperately for us to find a real someone and stop worrying. Can we ever just enjoy our relationship without looking for the part it plays in the big picture? Or is it truly impossible for women to just shut up… “
Pretty much all I can say is, Amen…can’t we all just shut up. Girls over analyze, they lay claim on a person based on not much more then an initial attraction, there is the crush, there is the over analyzing of the crush, then the moving on but not letting go. (And of course I lump myself into this. I can barely stand to hear l myself lately…all moody, frustrated and crushing on boy…it’s really quite nauseating).
All in all…Girls = Nuts.
Now mind you all of this stems from the whole…you are Elinor Dashwood moment (thanks Jane Austen). Cause if there was a guy, and there has been, and a friend showed even the slightest fancy, there has been that too, I’m pretty good about stepping back and at least working up to faux-happiness. Cause when it comes down to it, everyone should be able to be happy with stars in their eyes (that was so sappy that I feel ill after typing it). –Also, no one should read to deeply into this rant, it’s what happens at a slow day at work, I think about absurdity topics –
And yet again, thanks Elinor Dashwood…I let you be my favorite Austen character and you throw caution to the wind and show my my greatest trait and the thing that will keep me single forever.
So this past week has been ridiculously up and down. Emotional Roller Coaster, it should be my middle name. But because I was trying not to blog through my depression (yes, I know I pretty much failed that), we’re getting a lot out in the post today, and it includes a trip home and a recipe.
A weekend at home…fantastic. It wasn’t really a weekend (it was Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon), so in weekend detail:
Friday: Work was fantastic. My boss and my managing director were both out of the office, so all the little projects that would require me to be away from my desk…I did them all. It was FANTASTIC! My office is fantastically clean now. Post-work was the Newcomers Dinner for the church that I am attending. It was great, I went with Sketchy Law School/Church Friend (who has been requesting a name change) and there were people from my correspondence job. It was just an even better point to my day. After it was hanging out at H’s party…all in all it was a good day. There was a small bump at the end of that day, that resulted in a panic email sending moment (that I may have been mocked for today…) but besides that it was great.
Saturday/Sunday: I drove home Saturday morning and hung out with dad and my little brother, i.e. we ate everything that mom wouldn’t let us eat. And then today we took her to brunch and ate, everything that she normally wouldn’t let us eat. But really…the weekend is best told through pictures. The first is the strange folk dancers across from the BBQ place…there was stick dancing, fan dancing, an accordion and a fiddle. It was strange. The second photo, is commemorating my grandmother’s return to a sense of humor. It is not a secret that with the U.S. Government Stimulus Check I want to buy a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes. My grandmother last weekend told me how wasteful that is, I may have shot her down. So to make up for it…I walking into church today and she had altered her shoes to match the tell-tale signs of Louboutins, the red sole. Let’s just say she went to Target for red construction paper and tape last night :)
Now moving on from that absurdity. I made it to church tonight and it was just what I needed. Pretty much the week has been a contemplative exercise in being okay with my life. Today was the understanding that I just need to go with God’s flow…and that is about everything: my future, inappropriate crush, work, and finding a new place to live. However in that, I took this absurd “which Jane Austen character are you” quiz. The result was exactly what I was expecting. The good news, it was pretty much a tie between Elizabeth Bennet and Elinor Dashwood. The sad news, the tie breaker led to the answer that I expected: Elinor. The reasons: “As Marianne’s older sister, Elinor lives at the other end of the emotional spectrum. She rarely reveals her intense feelings and is more concerned with being honest and loyal than having what she deserves. Even though her intentions are pure, she sets herself up for loss by constantly placing other people before her own needs. Overall, Elinor is gentle and rational but is just as capable of radical emotions (despite her withholding them) as her sister.” It sounds so lovely when you read it…it’s a little more pathetic when you read it and then realize you live it. But enough of that.
Now on to something fun. Peanut Butter Brownies, care of who else, Deb at Smitten Kitchen!! (These were a favorite of my old boss in the government).
[Recipe to follow]
Yes….I just said from Grey’s Anatomy.
The past two weeks I’ve turned on the TV with the last 10 minutes of the show on, and yep…caught up to all you really don’t need to know about it: Meredith and McDreamy broke up, McDreamy is “with” a nurse, Meredith is in therapy, etc etc etc. But then the preview came on for next week and the closing line from Meredith, who I generally think is really to pathetic to function. She said, and I quote, “If you think I’m broken…fix me.” And in the first three seconds I rolled my eyes. Ad then I stopped and thought about it, and part of me just went…wait.a.second. It almost makes sense.
Mind you all of this really came from my pathetic recesses of my, as of late, ubber needy mind. Now mind you, I think I’ve fixed my current problems…kind of, but I can’t say it was alone. So my divine knowledge of the moment…embrace the people that yank you out of a rut.
And let you bake peanut butter brownies…picture and recipe coming soon.
Posts about how baking rocks, my love life suck and my friends are crazy…those are pretty normal. Also normal…the rants, but normally those our out of anger. Very rarely is it one of these, simply stated:
I’m tired.
I love my job, I love the work I’m doing (mostly cause I love making sure peoples’ lives run well). I’m exhausted this week, and it’s only Tuesday/Wednesday (12:45 am). When I’m tired I think a lot, cause my mind runs at a mile a minute. Overall, to repeat it again I’m physically, but mostly mentally and emotionally exhausted.
Mostly, the new stream of relationship questions, it’s too much. My mom, all through my being in college, used to use the line “so any boys?? Not that there should be because you are focused on school.” But now, oh now that graduation is done and a year has passed, no longer do people use the old horrid question “so what are you doing with you life?”…instead the new fun question “so any boys in your life?” And apparently, just saying no isn’t good enough, cause every conservative woman should have a man by the age of 22.
Well I’ve been giving the no answer, and to friends we all know that I can rant on instead of just saying, “oh no, no guy.” But because I leave it at no, I’m getting the fun follow up of, oh why not and advice for how I should meet boys, including not joining a women’s bible study group because you don’t meet men there. And seriously, in my exhausted “I don’t have a filter state” just burst out with the fact that I don’t care, and oddly enough…I’m trying not to care, because I care too much. But no matter what I say, it supposedly can all be remedied by straight hair, dropping 15 lbs and wearing make-up.
I’m not putting that kind of energy into something that I don’t think will work (cause it all goes back to being tired). If there is a guy out there for me, he’ll like me for my crazy hair, extra curves, and make-up hating ways…and I’ll hide him from my parents and their friends for a good amount of time. Because my sanity will be preserved.
The weekend was pretty slow…and all in all, it was shopping, family, two rounds of church, being told by my mother that I don’t embrace my “pretty young lady” aura and thus am single (insert eye roll here). Mind you, I kind of feel like she’s missed the part where I don’t have full control over if I’m single or not…of course, E would disagree with me on that last point. But I smiled today, batted the eyelashes and tried not to toss the oh so straight hair as I invited myself to look at a fish pond…a fish pond, am I nuts?
So instead tonight, of going into fish pond psychology, I share…my attempt of: Deb’s Brownie Mosaic Cheesecake
One thing to point out before the recipe, I don’t make brownies from scratch. Why, cause someone at Duncan Hines figured out a way to let me make brownies with a box, eggs, oil and water…so fantastic! Also, remove it from the fridge ten minutes or so before, don’t leave it out to long, it will melt. Now, the recipe (after the jump)
I’m home for the weekend and this is the first in probably many ridiculous comments from my brother:
while listening to Three Days Grace:
Brother: Do you know the drummer sings background. I love drummers that sing backgound…like Phil Collins!
Me: insert look of incredulous shock
Brother: I didn’t mean that!! I didn’t mean that!!
E and T made this playlist my Junior Year, which was inspired by my love for a certain unnamed soulmate. Long story short…the Playlist was titled [me] loves [him], with initials. He saw it, I didn’t know the playlist existed, it was renamed, it ended up on his iPod, I found out, I ranted, and in the end…I think it’s hysterical. But I just got the official listing of songs this week (I hadn’t actually seen it all), and I feel the need to share. It’s an intense playlist:
Ah ah ah - Words Now Heard
Sex Machine - Mya
I Want You to Want Me - Cheap Trick
I’m Gonna Make You Love Me - Diana Ross & The Supremes
Hopelessly Devoted To You - Olivia Newton-John
Take a Chance on Me - Abba
The Seed (2.0) -The Roots
You’re The One That I Want - Olivia Newton-John & John Travolta
Head Over Feet - Alanis Morrisette
If I Was Your Woman/Walk On By - Alicia Keys
She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy - Kenny Chesney
I Can Love You Better - Dixie Chicks Country
Hello, I Love You - The Doors
(If You’re Not In It For Love) I’m Outta Here! - Shania Twain
Fantasy (remix) - Mariah Carey
She Loves You - Beatles
Crazy In Love - Beyoncé Feat. Jay-Z
All I Want For Christmas Is You - Olivia Olson
Any Way You Want It - Journey
Crush - Dave Matthews Band
I’ll Be That Girl - Barenaked Ladies
Hold My Hand - Hootie & The Blowfish
Can You Handle It? - Usher
This Kiss - Faith Hill
The Shoop Shoop Song (It’s In His Kiss) - Cher
Sugar, Sugar - The Archies
Why Can’t I - Liz Phair
Wouldn’t It Be Nice - The Beach Boys
Night Fever - BeeGees
My Humps - Black Eyed Peas
Don’t Funk With My Heart -Black Eyed Peas
One Love - Bob Marley
All for One, All for Love - Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart, Sting
Baby if You Give it to Me - Busta Rhymes ft. Mariah Carey
Love You Madly - Cake
Love Will Keep Us Together - the Captain & Tennille
My heart will go on - Celine Dion 1
Steal My Kisses - Ben Harper
I’d Run Away - The Jayhawks
This week when strangely fast…probably because I spent most of it at work, asleep or wishing I was asleep. The only time this wasn’t the case was when Gossip Girls, Brothers and Sisters, American Idol, Greek and Ace of Cakes were on. Yes, not really the classiest of television…but after nine hours at work, thinking isn’t happening. (Though I can’t really use that excuse for Brothers & Sister as it is on Sunday…eh, good cast, with attractive gentlemen).
Speaking of attractive gentlemen, obviously this isn’t going to go well with my happy single ideal…there is this very attractive boy from my last place of employment. We chatted everyday for a few minutes, mostly about schooling (he is writing his undergrad thesis) and I may have batted the eyelashes for no other reason then I could. So I left the government job, and said boy emails me to be like…”so sad you’re gone, do you still mind helping edit my thesis.” I mean thing I apparently am good for, baking and thesis editing (well this was my thought in that moment, E you can’t yell at me for saying that). Today I get an email that is like, “I’m still 10 pages away from being done, do you still mind editing…we should hang out when I get my social life back.”
The jaw dropped…at my desk…people stared…my jaw may be stuck (or not)
But I did laugh, and promptly messaged E to be like “a cute boy emailed me to edit his thesis and hang out!” Of course she response was to go get coffee and then make out with him…I don’t think I’m going to go with that plan. Cause I may lament about being single…but singleness I know and can handle, interacting with boys, that is just an unknown.
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