So this past week has been ridiculously up and down. Emotional Roller Coaster, it should be my middle name. But because I was trying not to blog through my depression (yes, I know I pretty much failed that), we’re getting a lot out in the post today, and it includes a trip home and a recipe.

A weekend at home…fantastic. It wasn’t really a weekend (it was Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon), so in weekend detail:

Friday: Work was fantastic. My boss and my managing director were both out of the office, so all the little projects that would require me to be away from my desk…I did them all. It was FANTASTIC! My office is fantastically clean now. Post-work was the Newcomers Dinner for the church that I am attending. It was great, I went with Sketchy Law School/Church Friend (who has been requesting a name change) and there were people from my correspondence job. It was just an even better point to my day. After it was hanging out at H’s party…all in all it was a good day. There was a small bump at the end of that day, that resulted in a panic email sending moment (that I may have been mocked for today…) but besides that it was great.

Saturday/Sunday: I drove home Saturday morning and hung out with dad and my little brother, i.e. we ate everything that mom wouldn’t let us eat. And then today we took her to brunch and ate, everything that she normally wouldn’t let us eat. But really…the weekend is best told through pictures. The first is the strange folk dancers across from the BBQ place…there was stick dancing, fan dancing, an accordion and a fiddle. It was strange. The second photo, is commemorating my grandmother’s return to a sense of humor. It is not a secret that with the U.S. Government Stimulus Check I want to buy a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes. My grandmother last weekend told me how wasteful that is, I may have shot her down. So to make up for it…I walking into church today and she had altered her shoes to match the tell-tale signs of Louboutins, the red sole. Let’s just say she went to Target for red construction paper and tape last night :)

Now moving on from that absurdity. I made it to church tonight and it was just what I needed. Pretty much the week has been a contemplative exercise in being okay with my life. Today was the understanding that I just need to go with God’s flow…and that is about everything: my future, inappropriate crush, work, and finding a new place to live. However in that, I took this absurd “which Jane Austen character are you” quiz. The result was exactly what I was expecting. The good news, it was pretty much a tie between Elizabeth Bennet and Elinor Dashwood. The sad news, the tie breaker led to the answer that I expected: Elinor. The reasons: “As Marianne’s older sister, Elinor lives at the other end of the emotional spectrum. She rarely reveals her intense feelings and is more concerned with being honest and loyal than having what she deserves. Even though her intentions are pure, she sets herself up for loss by constantly placing other people before her own needs. Overall, Elinor is gentle and rational but is just as capable of radical emotions (despite her withholding them) as her sister.” It sounds so lovely when you read it…it’s a little more pathetic when you read it and then realize you live it. But enough of that.

Now on to something fun. Peanut Butter Brownies, care of who else, Deb at Smitten Kitchen!! (These were a favorite of my old boss in the government).

[Recipe to follow]

Peanut Butter Brownies
Adapted from Butterwood Desserts, West Falls, New York via Gourmet, October 2007

Makes 32 brownies, more or less, depending on how you cut them

These “brownies” are more blondie than cakey, with an excellent peanut butter-chocolate contrasts and fantastic edges, for those of you into that sort of thing. Have a glass of milk handy.

For brownies
2 sticks (1/2 pound) unsalted butter, softened
1 3/4 cups sugar
1 cup creamy peanut butter
2 large eggs plus 1 large yolk
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups semisweet chocolate chips (9 ounces)**
1/2 teaspoon salt, see note**

For ganache
1 1/2 cups semisweet chocolate chips (9 ounces)**
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, softened

Make brownies: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F with rack in middle. Butter a 13- by 9- by 2-inch baking pan, then line bottom of pan with parchment paper and butter parchment.

Beat together butter and sugar with an electric mixer at medium-high speed until mixture is light and fluffy, then add peanut butter and beat until incorporated. Beat in whole eggs, egg yolk, and vanilla. Reduce mixer sped to low, then mix in flour until just combined.

Mix in chocolate chips (1 1/2 cups) then spread batter in baking pan, smoothing top. (It will be thick, almost like cookie batter.)

Bake until brownies are deep golden, puffed on top and a wooden pick inserted in center come out with some crumbs adhering, 40 to 45 minutes.

Cool completely in pan on a rack, about 1 1/2 hours.

Make ganache: Put chocolate chips (1 1/2 cups) in a heatproof bowl.

Bring cream to a boil in a small saucepan, then pour over chocolate chips and let mixture stand for one minute.

Gently whisk in butter until it is incorporated, chocolate is melted, and a smooth mixture forms.

Spread ganache on cooled brownies and let stand until set, about 15 minutes.

Brownies keep in one layer in an airtight container three days